beckaroo

Okay… so this is my first blog ever. Who knows if anyone will want to actually read this, but it seems like it mught be just what I need to get my thoughts out there without having to have a deep dark conversation with any of the people that love me that despite much effort can’t understand what goes on inside my head…

I am having the hardest time beginning my journey. I always think I am ready, but tomorrow always seems like such a better option… “If i start tomorrow I will eat really bad today that way it gets out of my system.” That is only making me get fatter and fatter. I bought a new total gym. I love it is so fun and I will get up and start my structured routine tomorrow. Does anyone seem to notice a pattern here? I am the queen of starting tomorrow. I am now sitting on my couch, watching Dancing with the Stars, waiting on the pizza guy because I once again decided that I would start tomorrow. I am OUT OF CONTROL!! I am so uncomfortable and none of my clothes fit, and I am embarrassed to be naked around my fiance. This is the first time that I have been this self conscious. I have heard many people say that once you are truly fed up with yourself that you will do the things that you need to do to make the needed changes. I feel like it is having the opposite effect on me. The worse I feel the more defeated I feel. I have a 12 year old step daughter that pushes the limits every chance she gets, my husband works wout of town Monday through Friday, my brother in law has been staying with us, the dog we found on the street just had 10 puppies, and I work a full time job. I am tired and stressed and really want to take care of myself, but how do I move tomorrow to today!!!!